As you grew up you may have simply accepted the facts of life
as you found them.
The need to work for a living... provide for your dependants... save for the future...
perhaps you were taught religious beliefs as a moral code to live by.
When your life falls apart and everything you work towards is obstructed and destroyed those standards you adopted appear insubstantial and cease to sustain you.
Looking back on your life you see it's shallow significance. Skeletons from the past crawl from the recesses of your mind to haunt you and reveal the hollow lie you have been living. Thwarted at every turn, no longer can you accept responsibility for providing. Right then... others wish to dictate all the rules so let them carry the consequences too. For you it is time to go and find the meaning of Life!
Soul searching is different for every individual as we each set out from a different place. Will it lead us all to the same destination? Perhaps not, but I have put aside embarrasment and shame to bring to you here my own spiritual quest and growth as it evolves in unexpected directions. Enjoy